Dear Paula,

My colleagues may have a different view, but I would recommend finding another Bible Study . . . or ask the pastor for a recommendation for a good instructor to lead your current Study.

I know of no place in the Old or New Testament where there is any prohibition for coffee or caffeine.

The Old Testament does talk about not drinking strong drinks. See this list of Google results for passages.

That said, the Bible is not a Catechism, nor was it ever intended to be a Catechism or book of beliefs. The Bible is a liturgical book, meaning it is a book that was written (and whose books were complied) for use in the Catholic Mass, our worship service.

You said:
Then the instructor's helper said it's not a sin to drink coffee, its a sin when you use sugar in your coffee.

Ask him/her where in the Scriptures or in the Catechism of the Catholic Church it states this ridiculous claim. This instructor should know the faith first before he/she instructs others in the faith.

If you want good guidance and ideas for a Catholic Bible Study go to:

• The St. Paul Center for Biblical Theology

I think they offer freebies too.

Mike

Dear Paula,

You said:
Now, when I attempt talk to some of my family members about why we people should not live together, they always throw this in my face:

You lived with someone for years now you want to act like your so good.

• What is the best way to respond to this?

First, be compassionate, reaffirm that you are a sinner, admit you have made mistakes in the past, and that temptation and sins of the flesh are not easy to overcome.

Jesus did say: The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41), but He didn't justify the sins of the flesh. The only time we will not struggle in this area is when we are 6 feet below the earth.

I would ask your family members if they would say it is good that an alcoholic is now sober.

Change is good and holy if it conforms us more to Jesus and the teachings of His Church. The Church teaches what She does on dating, sex, and the sacrament of Marriage because our bodies were created to work a certain way at a certain time. That's why I find rationalizations of homosexual behavior laughable. They contradict the physiological complementary of the opposite sexes. Physiology is a subset of biology which studies how living organisms work with other living organisms. When we get involved in behavior that contradicts our own physiology, illness can set in.

Check this CD out too:

• Why Premarital Sex Is Stupid - CD By Janet E. Smith
  
  

As someone who has returned to the Church, you don't want to make rash judgments that will push your family members away from the Church.

• Do you remember how you were turned off by them?
  
  Correct in charity, and as my mother taught me: Michael, kill'em with kindness.
  

Jesus told us not to throw pearls before swine so we indeed have to make judgments as to what are swine and what are pearls.

What we can't do in impute a motive behind sinful behavior. Sadly, many in our Church have not been catechized correctly so some may just be ignorant of basic Christian teaching.

After we correct those who don't know better, once in charity, our consciences should be clear.

For example: I can't force my brother's family and my sister-in-law to go to Mass every Sunday. I can:

• encourage them
• remind them it is a mortal sin to deliberately skip Mass, and
• give them good reasons to renew their covenant with the Lord each Sunday

but it is their choice whether to renew it or not.

You said:
Second: When I talk about abortion, some people say:

• Why should women have a bunch of children so they can run around with no shoes, no food, and no good clothes?

My colleagues may have a different view, I would say this view comes right from feminists and uncatechized Christians who were never taught to value family life.

Sadly, the Church and/or their parents never instilled in them the foundation of society: the Christian family, which brings forth the image and reality of Christ for succeeding generations to come in children through a combination of:

• love
• suffering
• caring, and
• fostering big Christian families when possible instead of discouraging them.
  

Though today's culture and the main steam media reject it, it is good and health for Christian parents to desire having a big families with lots of children. Here I mean 5 or more children. (I know a family with 10 children.) That said, Christian spouses have to talk among themselves and proceed with responsible, practical, medically safe, and financially appropriate child-rearing goals.

There is no such thing as a bunch of children running around with no shoes, no food, and no good clothes. This is feminist propaganda.

To women with unexpected pregnancies: Any woman, of any age, who has an unexpected pregnancy can always go to any local Catholic diocese and that diocese will have an array of services to help and assist her and her child so they will have the basic necessities of life.

You said:
Or, some will say, women should not have babies if they are not ready because they will end up being abused, molested, and abandoned.

• How can I respond to those kinds of comments?

I would agree that women, especially young women, should not be promiscuous. When they are, it can lead to other painful situations.

When the parents, the primary educators of their children, don't talk with their children about the importance of saving oneself until marriage but inculcate permissive sexual behavior among their children and those of the opposite sex, their children will inevitably get hurt.

If you are interested in defending the Pro-Life argument, check out my editorial here:

• The Dialogue: Who is really Pro-Choice?
  

I hope this helps,

Mike

Paula,

Your sister is possibly redirecting all her feelings concerning her own daughter to her nephew (transference) and therefore finds in him a safe place to unload. She cannot unload on her daughter because she is afraid; afraid of her loss, being cut out etc. This is her pain speaking.

Try to encourage in gentle ways to get the help at a NA or Al-Anon meeting but be compassionate with her in the meantime.

This is going to be a long journey, hang in there.

Peace,

Bob Kirby

Paula,

You're the parent. You set the rules. Make it clear to your daughter:

• What she can help herself to
• What she can share or touch, and
• What she cannot share or touch.

The same goes with going out with her friends. Tell her it is OK to do whatever, as long as you supervise or set the limits.

The problem you are feeling and struggling with is from the lack of support from other parents and the culture in general. God set you in charge, don't back down or give in just because other parents don't do it your way.

You have good instincts, just keep using them.

Peace,

Bob Kirby

Hi Paula,

We are not a perfect Church, though Our Founder, Jesus, is.

You are correct in both cases that you have mentioned in your previous reply. That said, even some of the most well-known saints in the Church had no so holy periods in their life.

I'm going to give you a general guide that should address current and future situational questions you have been asking. Though we occasionally provide personal advice, it is not the focus of what we do, which is:

To clarify misperceptions about the Catholic faith — teaching-wise.

See # 2 under questions we won't answer.

My advice:

• Always distinguish between doctrine and bad behavior.
  
  Doctrine will never change but sadly bad behavior can scandalize the faith.
  
  
• Everyone in your family and who you will encounter comes with various:
  
  
  • educational backgrounds
    
  • religious educational backgrounds
    
  • emotional make-ups
    
  • physiological and biological needs, and
    
  • spiritual needs . . . including yourself.

Keep this in mind and do your best to encourage others to live a daily prayerful, sacramental life and to follow their vocational calling.

Distinguish between correct judging and incorrect judging. Jesus told use not to throw pearls before swine so we first have judge what are swine and what are pearls.

What we can't do is make a judgment of conscience as to what motivated a person to do something bad. We are to inform on correct teaching, once, in charity (like making our Sunday Mass obligation), but after that, others are responsible.

Remember what Jesus said to the women caught in adultery: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Are you without sin?

If you have suggests that would spiritually help your parish, get involved!

It's only when you get involved that the pastor can get to know you and maybe with time, take some of your suggestions and implement them in the parish. It will also give you the opportunity to change some of the spiritually unhealthy practices your parish may have adopted.

I hope this helps,

Mike