Dear Thomas,

Thanks for the question.

You said:
I'm a very holy Catholic and I always want to be able to go to Holy Communion. The problem is I'm having difficulty with a big sin. I know it should be stopped but I am having a hard time. It's one of those sins that can't be stopped quickly. I know I'm still going to do it or continue it even after I go to Confession.

• What do you suppose I should do?

I commend you for recognizing the situation and realizing what's at stake. Unfortunately, there is really no choice. You have to abstain from Communion until you get the situation resolved, turn away from the sin, and go to Confession. You can't go to Confession now because you can't get absolution unless you repent of all of your sins and plan not to do them again.

If you're embarrassed to not go to Communion, you might consider going to a parish where no one knows you.

You said:
I want to be able to stop this sin, yet at the same time, I don't want to stop because I don't want to get hurt and I don't want someone else to get hurt.

Well, spiritually you are getting hurt by committing this sin much more seriously than you or your friend may emotionally get hurt by stopping it. I think if you knew what your sin did to your soul, you would not do it! You are likely on the path of eternal separation from God.

• Is that really worth not hurting someone's feelings?

Sometimes doing what's right requires, as difficult as it is, hurting someone's feelings. I'm not denying that it's a tough situation; it definitely is, but you have to set your priorities:

• Is God, and your relationship with him, your first priority or is your friend and your feelings a higher priority than God?
• Whom do you love more?

I recommend finding a holy priest and explaining the whole situation to him, in detail. Perhaps he can give you some tips on extricating yourself from the situation. You should also bring this to prayer, that the Lord would:

• give you the strength to do what is right
• help you overcome your fears, and
• give you the grace of repentance.

If you can pray this prayer sincerely, without reservation, and repeatedly, I think you will be on your way to the right path.

Eric

Thomas,

You should have the intention of amending what you confess (and, if it is theft, of repaying), when you confess. If it is a sinful act, then the intention to stop it is sufficient for forgiveness and reception of Communion, even if you feel that you haven't conquered it for good.

Confession gives you strength to overcome your sins. If you are speaking of a sinful relationship (as you imply), then you must:

• stop whatever is sinful in the relationship, and
• stop whatever is an occasion of sin in the relationship, and perhaps, for your own sake,
• break the relationship.

Being emotionally hurt can be hard, but it doesn't at all equal being spiritually hurt.

Moreover, a sinful relationship inevitably brings emotional hurt itself, and the longer you wait to rectify things, the worse the hurt will be, and the more the damage will be done to yourself and others. Throwing yourself on God's merciful love and His strength, not your own, will enable you to do what you need to do but you have to put that first foot out on the water.

Mary Ann

Dear friend,

You should still go to Confession, even if your resolve to break from the sin is imperfect. You can ask for the grace for greater conversion. Often our vices, sexual sin, drugs, and other issues can require great effort to break free from. I suspect the issue you hint at may be connected to one of these.

1. counseling
2. 12 step programs, and
3. other resources may be necessary to become liberated.

• Can you find a friend in whom you can confide and create a sense of accountability with?

This could supplement the sacrament of Confession and help you to realize you are not alone in your struggle.

God bless you and don't give up!

Peace,

Bob Kirby

Dear Thomas,

Every sin we mention in the sacrament of Confession we receive grace to help us not commit that sin again, but in your case, it may be a habitual sin, which is always more hard to stop.

That said, if you are having struggles making a firm purpose of amendment (stopping) for any type of sin, after you have mentioned all the shortcomings you can think of, just tell the Confessor that you are having a hard time making a firm purpose of amendment for certain sins, or (if it's the case) all sins.

If you forget, just mention it the next time you go to Confession or if you remember while the Confessor is giving you absolution, add that prayer request silently — God reads the heart and knows our good intent.

Hope this helps,

Mike